Some people talk about seeing the light on their Road to Damascus. For me, however, it was the other way round - the light saw me.
The turning points were twofold: the first being motherhood, the other being meditation. Before becoming a mother, I was self-oriented, constantly analysing my achievements and my failures. I was an overthinker extraordinaire.
Motherhood, as it turned out, had very little patience for my internal monologues especially when dealing with nappy changing and night feeds. Don’t get me wrong, I loved being a mother but it began to feel as if layers of myself were being slowly stripped away.
Then came the question: Who am I? a mother undoubtedly and a happy one yet strangely sad at the same time. Matrescence is the word used to describe the often profound transition of surrendering self when becoming a mother along with the grief that comes with it.
In time nevertheless, I found that letting go of myself gave me the perfect gateway to meditation. Initially, I wasn’t seeking enlightenment, I was seeking something to soften those sleepless nights and calm my mind. Years later however, the surrender of self along with meditation developed into much more. This combination offered me emancipation from the constant need for an identity.
Instead, I started to embrace simplicity and the joy of just being. With this joy came receptivity.
Then Serendipity Showed Up
Signs began to appear. I first became aware of them when returning to work after Maternity Leave. I noticed when taking my seat on the London Tube to my office one morning a poster advertising St Paul’s Cathedral. I didn’t pay any attention to this until I saw it again on subsequent mornings, three to be exact and regardless of where I sat on the Tube.
These moments felt Damascene and paved the way for other serendipitous occasions. For instance, when I later found a loose white thread on the lounge floor shaped into a perfect letter P or heard a voice whispering the same letter upon waking one morning. During such times I felt both comforted and supported. Some may call these signs coincidences. I prefer to think of them as ways that the universe made me take notice.
A Blog by Any Other Name…
As I stopped trying so hard to define myself, everything began to feel lighter. My vibration was rising not by striving but through simplicity and presence, aided by meditation. I started to meet life how it was, not how I thought it should be.
The ensuing joy that I felt wasn’t dramatic but steadily expansive. This expansion lead me to wanting to share my experiences with others by way of a blog but what title would I give it?
Neither Confessions of a Self-Saboteur or High Vibes, Human Moments seemed to resonate with me. Then one morning it dropped into my head like a Divine Download - The Accidental Aligner. There was no effort or determination involved, just alignment.